Are You Comparing Yourself?
“Are you falling into the trap of comparison? When you’re watching a video on YouTube, Instagram, or Facebook, when you’re observing your next-door neighbor or successful family members or close friends, sometimes it’s so easy to compare yourself to them and think, “Why can’t my life be like that?” or, “They seem to be so successful and they’re living the life of their dreams.” But in reality, you don’t know what problems and disappointments they might have. They might even be successful with no massive problems in their lives and be genuinely happy. But you should not be comparing yourself with them. I like to say, “Be the best you can be in the situation you are in. Or do the best you can do in the situation you are in right now.” There may be some things about your life and situation that you need and want to change, but cannot take any drastic measures right now. So do what you can do, even if it’s just a little.
“But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another”.
Galatians 6:4
Gratitude
When you are feeling anguish, jealousy, helplessness, regret, and other negative emotions, when you are comparing yourself, you are not being grateful. When those emotions come, remind yourself to stop comparing and start being thankful. Think of the things in your life that God has done for you. The situations He brought you through, the gifts He gave you, the people that love you, His mercy and forgiveness, and grace in your life.
It is good to desire to make a situation better, if you need to, but you must also learn to be content with what you have.
What Does the Bible Say about Comparison?
There is a scripture in the Bible that says, “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” God makes each person unique. He gives every man several abilities.
My Experience
I knew another mother who, in any given situation, did her tasks very well. She could watch many children at one time while keeping her cool. She could perform with excellence. She kept her (part of the) house clean, with visual clutter to a minimum, and always seemed to have plenty of energy. Oh, and she didn’t take naps. And since we lived in the same house and shared the same kitchen, living room, etc., it was no wonder I would compare myself. (I have since learned how important personal space and privacy of one’s own home are!)
But were I in her shoes, I would be so overwhelmed. I could not perform the way she did. I understood my limitations. But I also felt the constant pressure because of the close living quarters. Can’t you see how detrimental comparison is? Imagine living with another woman and her children in the same house. How could you not compare?
But we don’t need unlikely examples like that to be sucked in to comparison because we have our phones to help us compare, unless you know how to avoid most of the videos and blogs that set us up for failure in the first place.
Remember Your Intentions
When you are online reading people’s blogs or watching videos, why are you there in the first place? I’m sure we came for a very good reason. I’m sure we had good intentions. We needed inspiration, or we needed to learn how to do or cook something. We might have even just needed help and encouragement. Perhaps we needed a good idea for a project we were working on. If you remind yourself why you came to begin with, that might just help you never begin to get caught up in comparison in the first place.
You Are Unique
We each have God-given strengths, abilities, passions, etc. We should learn how to use these strengths in our own homes. You don’t have to run your household the way your best friend, sister, acquaintance, or pastor’s wife run their houses. Be yourself.
“Be yourself.” I have heard that phrase scoffed at numerous times, but now I think differently. For so many years, I believed that it was bad to “be yourself.” It was just explained the wrong way. If you see you need to make a change, or you see you need to overcome a fault, then by all means, change. (But I’m not even talking about that. That’s a completely different subject.) You are free to manage your home in a way that brings you peace and joy. Do what makes your family love your home. You don’t have anyone standing over you or coming behind you with a magnifying glass and a notebook. (I hope not!)
Check Your Priorities
Your priorities are going to be different from others. If you feel you are not doing a good job at home, that things are not running smoothly, the children are falling behind in school, you’re not happy, your husband is not happy, I would try examining myself and seeing where I am falling short.
Maybe your priorities are out of order. Maybe you don’t manage your time well because you don’t understand how to do that. (Try watching this video to help with time management.) Maybe you’ve never seen or even heard of time management. Maybe you are overtired. Or perhaps you are overwhelmed and feel paralyzed with all your responsibilities. Don’t be afraid to seek help, preferably from people you trust and know. If you could identify your problems, you could seek help in those specific areas. It could be that you don’t consistently put your children to bed at a certain time. It could be that you are not free to take charge. Figure out what is most important and do the most important things first.
Motherhood and homemaking is a journey, and you learn by experience. You can also learn from the experiences of others. You will gain confidence as you realize that you are capable of this position. You just have to learn how to best fill this role.
Ask for God’s Help to Stop Comparing
Lastly, if you struggle with this problem of comparison or comparing yourself with others, ask for God’s help to overcome. “Ask, and you shall receive.” (Luke 11) God is an ever-present help in time of trouble. We need God’s strength to be like Christ. And we need His strength to be holy and obedient. We need to rely on Him.
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